Pinoy Blog Machine (Beta)

The stark ridiculousness of the sign above (found at Nakanampucha!) reminded me of Melanie Marquez’s malapropisms. I was prompted to scour for her unforgettable bloopers, and here are what I found online.

Here are my top five:

5. “Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!”

4. “I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.”

3. “Hindi si Joey ang tipong mambubugbog ng babae… talaga lang malapit sya sa mga gulo… PRO-ACCIDENT kasi sya eh…”

2. “You can fool me once, you can even fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice. But you can never fool me four!”

For number 1, I can’t decide between this:

(while waiting backstage during a noontime show, after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number) “Nikki, you’re so galing(good). You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes!”

and this:

“Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.”

There’s more:

• “I won’t stoop down to my level!”
• “We are lovers, not fighters.”
• “My brother is not a girl; he’s a gentleman.”
• “Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.”
• “That’s why I’m a success, it’s because I don’t MIDDLE in other people’s lives.”
• (when asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy) “Don’t worry little angel, big angel is here.
• “(on what they should do to the houseboy who molested her kid) “He should be put behind bar!”
• ATE LUDS: “Paano ka nag-susurvive sa mga trials mo?”"Alam mo Ate Ludz, you know, when you are alone, you really have to istep your foot…ah, forward!”
• Eddie Mercado: “Angie Dickinson has insured her legs for a million dollars, would you also do the same?” Melanie: “No, of course no, because I am proud and contented with my long-legged.” With this answer, she bagged the crown and eventually won the Miss International in 1978.
• (at a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek’s mother, whom she partly blamed for the separation) “Oo nga,” said Melanie, “pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya.” She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, “And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. ANG LABO MO!”
• “Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point.” (when asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right)
• “Sumasakit ang migraine ko.”
• “Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat.” (during her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award)
• “Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You’re so questionable.”
• “Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.”
• “Hindi ba kayo naaawa sa kapatid ko… sa mga kwento nya? Di ba kayo na-persuade ng mga kinwento nya?”
• “Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you DEP?”
• On an interview after giving birth, “my answers have been prayered.”
• On the lovelife of her brother Joey and Kris, ” they should talk behind the scene.”

Contributor: Domingo “Jim” Caro III
Website/Blog: http://jimcaro.wordpress.com

FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT
Nury Vittachi - The Far Eastern Economic Review

This week, we shall take a “reading tour” of one of the most spirited communities in Asia. The Philippines is full of word play. The local accent among many Filipinos, in which English words with “F” are spelled and pronounced with the sound of “P” and V is pronounced as “B” (because the Philippine alphabet has no letters F or V), is often used very cleverly, such as, the sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.

Much of the word play in the Philippines is deliberate with retailers and various businesses favoring a play on names of Western establishments and celebrities (Americans, in particular—movie stars and entertainment personalities, especially).

For example, there is a bread shop in Manila called Anita Bakery, a 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day and Night, a garment shop called Elizabeth Tailoring, and a barber shop called Felix The Cut.

Reader Robert Harland also spotted a bakery named Bread Pitt, and a Makati fast-food place selling “maruya” (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing, and a boutique called The Way We Wear ; a video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental; a restaurant in the Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken, a local burger restaurant called Mang Donald’s, a doughnut shop called MacDonuts , a shop selling “lumpia” (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll, and two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

(more…)

Thanks for explaining it, oh so WONDERFULLY!!!  Now I understand!  Silly me!  Bwehehe…!

Man: Lord, why did you make woman so beautiful?

God: For you to love her.

Man: But why does she have to be so dumb?

God: For her to love you.

This is an old joke I got through text, and in Tagalog, but I was ‘inspired’ to post it here after reading another one like it at Marizen’s.

I’ve been tossing around more ideas on what I’d like to share on this here blog o’ mine and have decided to share what I’ve learned in radio.

Putting together a daily morning show; the finer points of conducting an interview; what to do when hosting gigs come in and you have to stand in front of a crowd of thousands, or twenty.

Kind of like a guide/how-to for anyone who’s interested.

I’ll most likely intersperse with non sequitur posts on jobs and on faith. Which I’ve already been doing. Hmmm. I guess it’s the other way around then… The Radio Series will interrupt my… musings.

Not that I’m an expert in said field… or anything for that matter. But fourteen years and different formats - pop, jazz, alternative, and talk - did teach me some things that hopefully someone else might learn from.

Of course, this could all just be a ruse to get myself back in the game.

Nah.

At least not now.