It may sound cheesy, but love was the latest topic of discussion between me and my friend, Allan, early today in Google Chat.
It’s kind of fun disturbing him while he’s busy coding. But, I guess he actually lets me nag him with senseless questions. He calls it multi-tasking. I call it corporate boredom.
Let me share with you the conversation we had today. I’ll have to edit out some of the details, of course. And I have to translate some in English for the benefit of our non-Filipino speaking readers.
Me: An ex-bf chatted with me in YM today. After not hearing from him for 10 months.
Allan: And?
Me: He’s asking for another chance.
Allan: What?! You aren’t going to, won’t you?
Me: How I just hope that this guy that I like court me so that I don’t have to be confused by this.
Allan: Hay, the life of non-plants is complicated. Tsk, tsk.
(Note: In our circle’s lingo, plant is a person whose love life is non-existent and is not interested in having one. As in No Boyfriend/Girlfriend Since Birth.)
Me: But that makes life worthwhile and exciting!
Allan: Really? (A sarcastic smile here.) You must be a masochist. Hehehe.
Me: Of course not. Being a masochist isn’t a requirement to experience life. One just has to accept that there are pains one need to suffer to enjoy life. And, hello?! A masochist doesn’t get happy when he’s not in pain. I’m not like that.
Allan: Hahaha 
Do I sound skeptical?
Me: No. Cynical, you mean. Why don’t you let go of your fears, whatever they are. Nobody can overcome their fears unless you acknowledge its presence.
Allan: What fear? I fear nothing! I just don’t have the urge to be a non-plant. Haha. I’m happy with my plot.
Me: You are missing so much of life, I tell you. You know what? Better to experience whatever you can while you can. Then if you still think it’s better off being a plant, then go back to being a plant.
Allan: With what I see, why bother?
Me: Because what you get in the end is so much worth it. And anyway, what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.
Allan: I feel like I’m Aragorn. Afraid of committing the same weakness.
Me: At least he faced his fears and the things he needed to do to get what he wants. I’m telling you the only way to overcome your fears is to acknoweldge that they are there. Analyze yourself. You already know the answers.
Allan: Nah, don’t want to bother with it.
Me: Well, it’s your choice anyway. But from a person who’s been there, I’m saying you’re definitely missing a lot. There is a difference between staying plant-like because you’ve experience how it is to have a love life and decided that it’s better being a plant after all and being a plant just because you’re too afraid to find out what it is to live a life sharing it with someone you love.
Allan: I just don’t want to happen to my girlfriend/wife what I’m seeing in my parents now.
Me: That they’re fighting and that they’re not so much of a couple now than they were before? You know what? I’ve heard that from many people. Here’s what you have to know: We always have a choice. If you see that you don’t want that happening to you and your future girlfriend or wife, then you have the choice to not let it happen. It doesn’t mean that you see it in most couples today that you’ll get to experience it in your own relationship. Keeping a relationship is hard work, you know. But it is up to you if you’re going to exert your best effort to keep it intact. That’s where most people fail. They just think you just have to see what will happen next and go there. No, of course not.
Allan: It seems like a big risk. I don’t want to ruin someone’s life.
Me: And again, I say to you, it’s your choice. And stand up for that choice.
Allan: That’s why I choose not to choose.
Me: You’re just like Marius. There are experiences that can make one really think of pursuing planthood. But, hey, look at me. You know what I’ve gone through. Why am I still here?
And, hey, looks like you’re not busy in the office. Hehe.
Allan: Because you’ve already seen what’s ideal. You have models to look up to.
I’m busy. I just know how to multi-task.
Me: Are you talking about my parents? People have the wrong assumption that my parents are perfect. In a sense, they are. But really they aren’t.
Allan: Really? Well nearly perfect…
Me: Maybe they are. In a way. You know why? Because they’ve come to accept that they are not perfect. You know what’s wrong with the ideal? It’s because people can set too unrealistic goals.
Allan: That’s why it’s called ideal.
Me: No, of course not. You set the ideal as the highest possibility. It means it is real and it can be done. You know what’s the most bullshit thing I’ve heard? Someone told me that since he cannot find his “first best”, his soulmate, which if he sees will be total and without doubt, he’ll just settle for the “second best”. Isn’t that insulting?
Allan: Well, nobody can prove that soulmates exist.
Me: He says he believes in reincarnations and soulmates. But he doesn’t believe in destiny. Now that’s another bullshit. You see, those statements don’t hold together.
Allan: Soulmates, reincarnations, destinies…nobody can prove it.
Me: If proof isn’t available, then what you need is coherence. At least, your beliefs should hold together firm or else it can easily crumble. But wait, we’re getting a bit off-topic. No, I think it is still related. You see, how can you say that kind of person is only “second best” if you haven’t even ventured in a relationship before?
Allan: Errr, ok.
Me: You see, that’s why I’m encouraging you to try to experience whatever you can. Get into relationships, don’t fear too much. You might just meet that person who will be the best for you, not necessarily perfect, but for you that person will be perfect. The best for you. Not second best.
Allan: I just don’t have the urge to…explore that other part of life. As in nada. Zero.
Me: Niyahahaha Maybe. But then the urge may not be there because you’re fearing something.
Allan: I don’t know.
Me: That’s what you need to analyze in yourself. At least, you’ll be making an informed choice as to whether you really want to be a plant forever and ever.
Hay naku, this is your fault. I can’t finish my blog post because of you!
Allan: And now it’s my fault? Well, at least, you have a new topic. New something to blog.
Me: Hmmm…
The last part explains why this conversation is posted in this blog. 
