23 - JimmyEatWorld[1]
[audio:http://alohapenny.i.ph/music/calliope.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=360]

I remember October 4 six years ago like it was yesterday. During that time, I was just a freshman at my school and in Manila. Although I could say that I was getting quite used to life as a college student already. In just four months, I knew everyone on the street and they know me too. The Manang Tindera who I buy pancit canton from, she hates me because I always loiter in front of her store and she thinks Im conspicuous and always causing a riot, the owner of the cafeteria who gives me free bananas, the annoying girls who live across the street, we see each other everyday and we would exchange hellos every now and then. All the billiard halls, fast food chains, street food and internet cafes around the dorm and the school, I thrive on them (and yes during that time I have not yet discovered the joys of alcohol). See, it was not as bad as how my parents have described it, in fact, i love it. I loved living alone and not being bothered to do house chores (who wouldn't), I loved going home late without having to answer a lot of questions as to where I've been, I loved spending the night in computer shops cramming for a paper that's due in the morning, I loved the fact that our street has a very vigilant barangay chairman who had a mission to eliminate all the muggers, it was extraordinary. I did not worry too much about things back in the day, I was living carefree. I had nothing in mind but school and friends and what to wear on a Friday night. Come October, I was absolutely thrilled that I get to spend my birthday there. I already made plans as to where I would treat my friends and all that jazz as i was confident in my savings and powered by the idea that my parents would give me birthday money. That morning I woke up to quite a number of sms greetings coming from both high school and college friends and relatives too. I started the day with a hearty breakfast at Wendy's. Little did I know that that would be the beginning of an unpleasant day. I spilled the iced tea that I ordered on my white uniform (just the lower part though) and I LOST MY WALLET. My bag was half open, I dont know how and I did not see a thing. I carefully retraced my steps hoping I just dropped it somewhere - to no avail. I have searched everywhere, from the cashier, down the street and back to my dorm room but it was nowhere to be found. Since I could not do anything else, I cried. I was late for school and I was so embarassed because it was obvious that I cried. To add insult to the injury, instead of getting birthday greetings, everyone was commiserating. I felt so stupid so I stopped crying and thought to myself, I hate it when my mom's right. From that day on, I never thought of crying again. It was weakness, and I dont like it when Im seen that way. Years had passed and I have been successful in controlling my tears. You can make me watch teleseryes all day and I wont budge. Even real life experiences like heartaches didnt seem to take its toll on me. Today, Im another year older. Today, I turned 23 and it feels as if all the tears and emotions that have remained subservient are trying to break free. Its suppurating, and each feeling seems amplified. I hate it. Lately, I feel compelled to keep up but everything is a blur. I do not know what I want to accomplish, but I know my responsibilities which adds to the pressure of keeping up. Im only 23 and already I feel tired and insecure on what the future would bring. I wish I can go back to my college days where I had nothing to worry about but the exams. I wish I can live carefree again. But its not like that anymore, not now that Im 23. I have led myself to believe that happiness comes but you never know how fleeting it can be. I have friends who care a lot, a job that pays a lot, but depression and loneliness always seem to find me. It is unreasonable, I know. Some people are older and have more problems so what right have I to rant? I guess quarter life crisis came early.
But do not get me wrong, I love everything I have right now. Friends, family, work, friends. I know Im probably gonna get more as time goes by. And I am thankful for having them. So tonight I blow my birthday candles and melt away into the fleeting happiness that Im feeling, or what's left of it.
